The Official Shinobi Personality Assesement
by S-o-u-n-d Showers
Summary: Uchiha Sasuke would describe himself as the following: "I'm the sexy douche who acts all snobbish yet bitches want a piece of me." Reputations aside, I'm summing up the personalities of all your favorite shinobi with hilarity, sarcasm, and general nonsense. Rated T for language. No pairings.


**D: I do not own Naruto.**

**N: If I got paid a dollar for every time I wrote a story like this, I'd probably have at least ten dollars. I'm not sure if that's an achievement to be proud of or not, but either way, here's another one for your whims. It's cold, I'm procrastinating, what's new? Also please note that this particular fanfiction has swearing thrown in. **

**Want to help me out and motivate me to get off my ass and write more stories? It's simple. Review, review, review, review. I live off of reviews, and I don't care if you give me shit. So long as you're being honest and somewhat respectful. I will thank you now, in advance, for your thoughtful gesture. Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Word Count: 820<strong>

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><p><strong><em>i.<em>**

_Uchiha Sasuke_

_Village Hidden In The Leaves_

_"I'm the sexy douche who acts all snobbish yet bitches want a piece of me."_

**_ii._**

_Hyuuga Neji_

_Village Hidden In The Leaves_

_"I'm the miserable bastard who is an even bigger douche and hates every living soul, but is actually a tortured kid who wants respect from his uncle who doesn't even give two shits about him."_

**_iii._**

_Gaara_

_Village Hidden In The Sand_

_"I'm the one who at first, looks mean and acts like a douchebag, but is actually a loyal friend and protective brother. I seek vengeance on organizations such as the Akatsuki, and have a deep resentment for being weak or useless in combat. _

**_iv._**

_Uzumaki Naruto_

_Village Hidden In The Leaves_

_"I'M THE INSUFFERABLE CHILDHOOD NUISANCE WHO SAYS "DATTEBAYO" AT THE END OF EVERY SENTENCE. I'M ALSO A STUPID IDIOT WHO SUCKS AT EVERYTHING AND CAN'T EVEN SIT STILL, AND TALKS REALLY FAST, AND CAN'T COUNT TO TEN, AND LOVES RAMEN, AND SCREAMS AS LOUDLY AS POSSIBLE, AND-"_

**_v._**

_Shikamaru Nara_

_Village Hidden In The Leaves_

_"I am the village genius who thinks everything is incredibly troublesome, demonstrates remarkable laziness, and wears sexy jeggings for extra butt flavour."_

**_vi._**

_Jiraiya_

_Village Hidden In The Leaves_

_"I'm the author of Icha Icha Paradise who can turn his hair into fucking spikes and can sexually harass underage girls without getting arrested because I'm a highly qualified shinobi. The Uzumaki kid calls me "Pervy Sage" and I find it rather endearing, albeit insulting. I have an obsession with women that greatly outweighs my common sense, and I also waste the village's money by getting drunk."_

**_vii._**

_Hatake Kakashi_

_Village Hidden In The Leaves_

_"I'm the Copy Ninja who later became Hokage and, in an act of utter stupidity, decided to make Uzumaki Naruto his successor. Despite my legendary reputation, I suffer from an uncontrollable porn addiction and am never on time. I am the goddamn batman of the Narutoverse."_

**_viii._**

_Rock Lee_

_Village Hidden In The Leaves_

_"YOSH! I have huge eyebrows and wear a tight-fitting, bright green, spandex onesie that can probably be seen from outer space. I'm a mighty warrior of Taijutsu which means I suck balls at any other form of Jutsu. My luck is equally shitty and I always end up fighting people who are practically immune to Taijutsu, like Gaara. I remedy this by drinking large quantities of sake, whereupon I am capable of obliterating whatever stands in my path. According to Urban Dictionary, I can shoot lasers from my eyebrows and my abilities come from my bowl cut. I am also the most popular Naruto character for African Americans to cosplay as."  
><em>

**_ix._**

_Uchiha Itachi_

_Ex: Village Hidden In The Leaves_

_"I'm the cold-hearted, ruthless killer from a dark and tortured past who, at the age of thirteen, thought it necessary to murder my entire clan and mentally scar my eight-year-old brother in the process. I have a legion of fans who worship me for my sadistic tendency to put people through horrific mental torture. The other half of my fandom constitutes mentally disturbed teenage girls who write idiotic and indecent blasphemy concerning yours truly."_

**_x._**

_Deidara_

_Ex: Iwagakure _

_"I'm one of the most overrated characters in the Narutoverse. My motto: Art is an explosion, which is self-explanatory seeing as I have a constant need to blow shit sky high. I also seem to have some sort of speech ailment as everything I say ends with "Un". Because of my (admittedly beautiful) hair, people often mistake me for a woman. I have mouths on my hands, chest, and- (god knows where else) which fangirls seem to think is "Absolutelysofuckingkawaisqueeee!" My armada of loyal followers all hate Sasuke because he was there when I blew myself up. Obviously, they can't get over the fact my character turned out to be a suicide bomber."_

**_xi._**

_Kisame Hoshigaki_

_Ex: Village Hidden In The Mist_

_"I'm the inspiration of many sushi jokes, and a shark man more commonly known as, Fish Filet. I carry a gigantic dildo of a sword on my back and nobody ever recognizes me because my face looks like bear vomit. I also starred in the hit musical, Cats, as some ugly hobo who didn't fit in properly. I wear beautiful unicorn hair shirts under my Akatsuki garments, and sing Phantom of the Opera in the shower. I am ugly. Nobody loves me."_

**_xii._**

_Sasori_

_Ex: Village Hidden In The Sand_

_"I'm the Akatsuki's sexy puppet bitch. I hang out in the ugliest puppets and stun my opponents causing them to be all: "DAMN! WHO'S THAT SEXY BITCH!?" I am a highly overrated character who is paired almost exclusively with Deidara by many thousands of criminally insane fangirls."_

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><p><strong>N: So there you have it. I was going to write a sequel with the Kunoichi version, but it will depend on whatever feedback I get. Let me know if you'd like to see more from me, and I'll make it happen... eventually. :) In the meantime, you can check out my other drabbles which are mostly all NejiTen centric. <strong>


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